I DO IT LIKE A CHILD, I’M SORRY, BUT…
Last day, sumone and several mates again…are being happy becoz they can solve the problem that haunted them from a couple weeks ago. Oh that was good, really. Happy for it. Not becoz I caugh sumone have been kissing for sumthin I can’t understand or mebbe they can’t understand too, not because they were so childish when they choose for being a blind people and make themselv a shamed blushing ass on my naked eyes. First I think they play at me because I blind, because we all blind, I though they cheat us, they looking like a friends that loosing their gripz on the head. I dunno wut I’m talking about. But I know they doin fools.
But for now on…wutever they do IN FRONT OF MANY PEOPLES will never make my head get poped on silent sight anymore, they’ve already make me sick with those act. Just a friend? BULLSHIT. I do typing “BULLSHIT” no matter many of my “friends” didn’t like to read those words. Yes, both of you are a big BULLSHIT that universe ever made. A super big liar that God ever create by, who lie at both of themself for themselv, who lie at each other feeling, who lie for telling that both of you and we tough that wut both of you said was the truth. GO AHEAD! LIE FOR EVERYTHING. Sumbody got dissapointed here, and thankz to myself for not chomp and eat my thumbs.
“And if you just use her/him for makez yer bad warm ya jangan liat dari segi pandang saya kalo gitu, eeeee!!! TETOT!!! You walkz along wiv a wrong person then beibeh!” that words can found on my previous entry on SAPIR, DUGEM, SAPIR, DUGEM, YANG BENER ITU DUGEM DI SAFIR! [dimanche, mai 04, 2003 . . .] I will made it rite with adding more words on to…
“And if you just use her/him for makez yer bad warm or just make yers lipz wet so you’ve been arounding a wrong person”
Want to tell “Hei but thatz all was our business!!! You don’t have rite to, you know that!” oh yeah, great, wutever. You’ve mad when peoples writing bout a truth that you know thatz all just a lie, you’ve mad when they talking bout a wrong perception, but you’ve “TOO” mad when peoples judge you for a rite reason. You’re so naive or wut? Are you insane? ON YER AGE!? OH C`MON BE REAL! One bastard that must be called “childish” IS ME! ONLY ME. But want you walkz after me? Don’t! Cause for many personal act, both of you are my life, both of you are my angel, I just hurt to heard those peepz cheat behind your back, and I will yelled like “No, they don’t” or like “No, they never being like wut all of you thinkin about” and I’m so so tirred because the fact is…Yes, both of you did that. I’m not a hero can be.
And the final is, I’m just like a dynamit that xplosed in the middle of the sea. Being a pieces, but never realize that I’m already being a pieces. Well…
For that cause I think I screw everything. I screw our nite, my friends “happy feeling” nite. It screwed, coz me. We just have a really really nice nite, have a dinner, on a place that I will tell to everybody “Hei that place lightning is soooo xcotix, you all will like it like a child looking for a candy” uhm…those lightning just an effect from a petromax with a yellow light [hehe]. We have our dinner on Malioboro street, under the sky and automobiling back sound. This peoples, me, this Miss, this Sir, this fella, this nice Mam and Her nice Husband , and I’m starting to crapping up sumthin simple. God forbid!
After the dinner, we keep the dinner time with go to otherz…wut we called it? “Eating place”?? Called it angkringan. We go to a place wich it besides a train station named Tugu. Nice place and sumtimes there is a dread man and friends there […dread…hikz…]. Blablabla, and blablabla, yes blablabla, no blablabla, oh blablabla. And then we go to the train station, go to the toilet [we’ve drinkz a lot of cup of tea that nite], walking around on the station, sitting around [?], talking around, and…here we come, a feeling of being ignorant, ignorance, ignore, wutever it called, sayz it all for me! And when I just ask for sumthin like…
“What time is it?” and when I know we’ve spend the nite till mitnait [it’s 1 o` clock AM I guess, or 12:30 AM] I just remind myself for go home and get sleep coz at 7 AM I must stand by on my werking desk, ya ya…a weird one who have a job on Sunday morn. And I can’t handle this sickness anymore, my flu and allo the crapz on it. And I just said for “So let’s go home” and they just seyin sumthin like “Oh oke, go home by yerself”. It’s happen. Everythin got it blow, I wont flow but I do flow.
And tooooo bad cause I always mean wut I said, I always keep my words, so when I said “Let’s” so I’m on my way to get out from that train station, no matter they yelled and starting call my name behind, I don’t care, I just walkz out from it. So mad indeed, I’m mad and act like a child, sheesh.
But I really really mad. I though when I keep my mouth silent the things can’t be happen, but it wont works, I can’t stand for it anymore, I can’t understand wut they want anymore, I just touch that fire alarm and it’s was ringing, so I’m stop being a blind one. I don’t want to keep my mouth silent anymore. Both of you must grow up! NOW, OR NEVER!
And stop acts like a stupid adultianz couples that loose those head gripz. Just think simple, both of you want sumthin real, both of you realize that you two can be together or need to be together, but you lie to yerself then others do cheat. So be honest, both of you just need a touch, need a sex, need a “this day” couple, or really really need her/his love? THINK! Others already tirred for thinkin about, so THINK BY YER[SELF] HEAD! Make a point, just true to yer heart, tell him or her that you love each other, not just for a one nite hugs or being a “they tough we are a couple” and don’t sayin sumthin jerk like “Huh? But both of we already know that we love each other” Don’t make me laugh fellas, you just touch a screen. WAKE UP PLEASE, HALLOOO! There is a time that “I don’t care” being “I do care” on this case. And it’s happen rite now, rite in front of your nose, I can’t stopped anymore.
I’m so so so sorry for the mess, I’m so shame for it. But I still hate for wut I think I hate it. Don’t care bout my worse grammar, I just want to tell this story from another block on my pain head. Got it? Yes? Thankz. No? Thankz. Still a crapz o mine. A fuqin craps, ever! Mebbe it’s all bout time…*sigh* For the dead end…I call all of you are my friends, be honest please, at least to yerself. I know wut are both of you doin, I see, I heard. But I always make it just like a dream, sumthin that I never heard or see, sumthin that I hopes it’s just not real. I just want to hear an intern news from you, not from the others nor from my eyes and my ears that mebbe cheat myself as the “sub owner” of them. It’s hurt to see the truth that being a lie becoz our stubborness. We are so lucky for this day, don’t break it.